Posted By POSCA
You don’t know me, but I am fairly certain I know you. There is no good title for some of the things Posca has done (Speech Writer? Personnel Officer? Executive Officer?—nothing quite fits), but that doesn’t matter—you and I both know that I was the person who made things happen inside and outside of the command staff. And I was good at it. Perhaps I should have thought twice more often, but that is water under the bridge. I daily thank God for the statute of limitations.
It is true that government aircraft have been used to fly fresh tortillas and piñatas to the European theater so “the general can have his fiesta.” It is also true that discretionary funds (tax money) have been used to float no-interest loans to the General’s wife when she was running a little short. I know the system is regularly manipulated to fast-track promotions for your aides and household staff. And I am aware that Generals with severe drug and alcohol problems have special hospitals where they can dry out for short periods at regular intervals. Does this establish my bona fides?
Posca KNOWS these things, and Posca knows that it is a common practice for the General to have something on the side to ease his mind downrange. But General, this is definitely the information age, and your responsibilities are those of Grant, Sherman, Lemay, or Halsey. Believe me, I know the comforts of a woman’s arms, and I know how very cold and lonely things can get on the vast plains of Central Asia. But you should keep in mind that your troops are probably colder and lonelier than you are. They don’t have private quarters with cozy warmth, TV, and the other amenities. The BEST they can hope for is an occasional phone call or VTC home.
So, when you are exposed as a “player,” morale is disrupted, if not destroyed by instantaneous worldwide communication. And exposure is certain--you and I both know that government communications are not internally secure; monitoring is ALWAYS possible. We all know the funny stories. Furthermore, given the sensitive nature of your position, you can assume your other communications are monitored as well. You have no private life—you ARE your command.
Hence, this is what I suggest. Discretely promote from within. Find some hot chick, promote her to full colonel, and make her a staff director of some kind. That way no one will question your long hours together or why she is exiting your quarters late at night. I have personally seen it work. And if you’re smart about it, it will work when you return to the States.
One more thing: don’t bang her in your staff car, you dumbass. Posca is good, but he can’t always fix terminally stupid.
Posca knows. Don’t worry, his lips are sealed.