Posted By LambChop
Ladies… get ready! Lolita Grayson has filed for divorce from Florida’s crazy Congressman Alan Grayson. Soon he will be single and ready to mingle!
GRAYSON’S ONLINE DATING PROFILE:
I am an outspoken Congressman with Guts who has never texted a photo of my junk to an underage constituent although my status as a registered sex offender in Orange County has finally expired! The fact is Old Spice has approached me for their next ad campaign, but I declined, instead focusing on the work of the people like hiring Al Qaeda speakers to tell us about the horrors of drone strikes, sending out mailers with photos of the KKK burning crosses (blaiming it on Republicans) and spray- painting anti-teabagger graffiti on the outside of Chick-Fil-A buildings.
Favorite Music: Up with People (just kidding), Rob Zombie, The Monkeys
Ideal Woman: My ideal woman has at least three body piercings, thinks all Republicans are clowns you know… the evil kind like John Wayne Gasey or the Stephen King one. I want my woman to be able to run in heels, have unshaved armpits, but she should have no physiological gag reflex. She needs to understand that I spend a lot of time thinking about having sex with Sofia Vergara, Cokie Roberts, Salma Hayek, and Velma from Scooby Doo (at the same time), although I do sometimes want to make Michele Bachmann bark like a dog while her husband watches.
Perfect Date: You dress up in giant stuffed plush vagina costume and march for the rights of zoophiliacs and free birth control for friggin nuns. We grab a string bag, go to Whole Foods buy some carrot juice and you cook me a meal. With meat. Bitch. Now.