The Smoking Gun Behind the Mysterious Fall of Paula Deen

Posted By LambChop

It is always fascinating to watch liberals eat their own.

The latest casualty is Georgia peach, butter- swilling, cobbler- making Paula Deen - the food Pharaoh with a multi-million dollar empire built on the gooey butter cake. Paula’s southern fried food empire is crumbling like a snickerdoodle left in the sun because of public reports of her admission to using the deadly “n-word” 27 years ago.

While liberals accept foul-mouthed ethnic rants from their demi-gods like Alec Baldwin (famously calling a gay reporter a “toxic little queen”); John Mayer (“My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fu*kin’ David Duke c*ck”) and Mel Gibson ("You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault!”). Paula Deen is simply not allowed.

Some have speculated Paula’s spectacular fall from grace had to do with her obvious southernism-kind of a steel magnolia/Tammy Faye Bakker silver-wig wearing "grandma gone wild"  mystique. Of course, Paula's image could easily be confused with the watch list villains from Janet Napolitano’s Dept. of Homeland Security's  report – after all, the newly repurposed home -grown terrorists of the Obama administration are always southern…aren’t they?   Despite the fact that Deen is a card-carrying Democrat who openly campaigned for President Obama, much of the left refuses to claim her. Jimmy Carter and the Reverend Jesse Jackson have come to her rescue in separate television interviews– but no one could actually understand what either one of them said.

Meanwhile, poor Paula has had to appear on every failing liberal talk show and cry in order to redeem herself and repent before the almighty judges of political correctness. But, it’s not really working. Despite her heartfelt appeals for mercy (think Meryl Streep in Sophie’s Choice), nobody is taking the bait. Her publisher unceremoniously dumped her even though pre- ordered sales put Deen’s upcoming cookbook in the number one slot. Target, Wal-Mart, Home Depot and Caesar’s have all flown the Paula Deen coup.

Is the public tired of Paula? Have they given up their craving of sticks on butter in every pan? No. The real answer behind this BLACKBALLING of Deen has to do with the hidden “Deep Throat” character truly responsible for Deen’s ousting from her biscuit throne.

So who is this Deep Throat pounding poor Paula?

First Lady Michelle Obama.

 Case in point, Michelle appeared on Deen’s show in 2008 and fried up a little shrimp. After the episode, Deen mistakenly told The Washington Examiner that she and Michelle had more in common than one might expect. Deen said: “I did a show with Michelle and I just loved being with her. She probably ate more than any other guest I've ever had on the show. She kept eating even during commercials.”

Deen’s bombshell about the gluttonous future First Lady was at odds with Michelle’s plans – to promote herself as a fabulous fitness guru and Head B*tch in Charge of what Americans are allowed to eat.

As a result of Deen’s comments about the ravenous First Lady, The Daily Mail UK famously asked, “So does Michelle really overeat while lecturing kids to clean up their diets?” And then pointed out that Michelle prefers, meat, sugary foods and fried foods.

Uh oh. The empress has no clothes and what clothes she does have come from the husky section of the haute couture department. Unlike Marie Antoinette’s famously misattributed line “Let them eat cake!” that sparked the Flour War in 18^th century France, after Deen’s revelation, Michelle’s line would be “Let me eat cake, suckahs!”

Fast forward to 2013 when Deen’s admission to saying the TERRIBLE WORD was leaked to the public because of  her refusal to lie under oath. And now, because of Deen’s  inability to keep Michelle’s binging secret quiet, Michelle refuses to sell Deen an indulgence to pardon her from the eternal consequences of violating the liberal version of one of their seven deadly sins-“Thou Shalt Not Utter the N -Word Unless You are an A –list Rapper.” 

 

Comments

[German Shepherd]

Ladies, help me out here. How does Michelle Obama buy clothes? She is like a size 4 top, and a size 22 bottom. Amirite?

[German Shepherd]

So it shall be written. So it shall be done.