Posted By LambChop
Dear Rocky Mountain Wireless AT&T:
I have been one of your cellular customers since Clinton was President-paying for cell phones for 4 family members (not including the dog who does not have opposable thumbs and therefore leaves the house infrequently). Today however, I find myself at the end of my rope with your organization – similar to the situation Saddam Hussein found himself in after the end of his tyrannical reign.
In early the 90s I accepted the fact that “coverage” was sporadic as cellular service was in its “infancy.” Today with my I Phone 5, I realize that my cellular service has reached the grand dame stage and frankly AT&T has not embraced the maintenance that the old dame requires – you know like Botox and arm flap repair. Instead AT&T seems to have settled for mediocrity playing the role of the aging beauty in the sea of limber fresh-faced nymphs who have no need for underwire.
My cell phone usage has increased of late as I find myself in the almost empty nester category (although I am still being entertained part-time by one 25 –year- old who boomerangs back and forth with each round of quantitative easing). With my increase in usage (and therefore dollars paid to AT&T) I have encountered an inadequacy of cellular service which I had not previously considered possible.
It seems to me that the purpose of a cellular company is to provide service that actually works. Most of us would define working cellular service as the following:
1) Being able to complete a call once dialed in a timely fashion. Instead with AT&T the call bounces back and forth like Pamela Andersen in the surf never really accomplishing anything.
2) Once the call is completed, not having the call interrupted without warning or explanation. The calls are lost with the frequency and speed of a Kardashian sister dropping an NBA player.
I made the mistake of calling your customer service center which I suppose is run by a descendant of a 1920s Chicago mobster. The highly disinterested yet uninformed customer service representative tersely informed me that AT&T would be happy to “improve my service” for an additional $100. Great – so they promised to wax my string and replace my Dixie cup, ignoring the fact that my personal unlimited service plan costs as much every month as my car payment in 2001.
By the way, you really should change your hold music to something uplifting such as “Eleanor Rigby.” While on hold, I alleviated the boredom by scratching my testicles for a minute or two – something I envision your entire organization spends the day pursuing with gusto.
Today I expect to be cut off or simply drop calls at least 5 times out of about 10 phone calls. If I tracked the statistics, I would image that a 50% success rate (with success being defined as making a call, having it go through and completing the call without interruption) is not really a goal for most businesses. They most likely set their sights a bit higher.
I am sure this letter will be passed around the AT&T lunch room – you know for the amusement of those employees who are taking a much-needed break and cleansing their palette with the company-provided sorbet course before the arrival of surf and turf. And I am sure you have tens of thousands of other customers to ignore and overcharge …as well as some testicles to attend to. Don’t let my dissatisfaction get in the way of your seemingly limitless pursuit of failed customer service and corporate inadequacy.
Oh and thank you for your recent pointless letter describing your need to upgrade your existing network. I never would have known – luckily the letter has been given its due – shredded and placed in the cat box to be used for its superior odor absorption capabilities.
I eagerly await your response like a 7 year-old on Christmas Eve. Don’t disappoint me.
Very truly yours,
RT
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