Hey Oprah, Switzerland is Sorry Too

Posted By LambChop

DOING THE JOB THAT AMERICANS JUST WON’T DO – STANDING UP TO OPRAH’S CLAIMS OF RACISM

In an ironic twist of events, the anonymous saleswoman at the Trois Pommes boutique in Zurich accused by media darling Oprah Winfrey of being racist has fought back. Oprah claimed that the store clerk refused to show her a highly priced handbag because Oprah is black and by default, could not afford the $38,000 accessory. The sales clerk denied the incident and has fired back: “This is not true. This is absurd. I would never say something like that to a customer. Really never. Good manners and politeness are the Alpha and the Omega in this business. I don't know why she is making these accusations. She is so powerful and I am just a shop girl.”

“I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT ME – JUST SPELL MY NAME RIGHT” ― P.T. BARNUM

Recently, Oprah has been in the spotlight trying to resuscitate her image as well as inflate the value of her flailing television network, OWN. The corpulent chat show maven has even convinced President Obama to bestow her with a Presidential Medal of Freedom. The Oprah PR strategy does not end there - there is also talk that Oprah could be up for an Oscar for her upcoming role in the film, The Butler.

MAD COW

Other than the great Zurich handbag debacle, Oprah hasn’t had this much controversy since the Amarillo cattle producers sued her for her show fanning the fears of Mad Cow disease (something with which she is not doubt familiar). Oprah caused the beef industry to actually falter WORLDWIDE after she devoted the entire show to the dangers of beef production. During the show, Oprah declared: “It has just stopped me cold from eating another burger!” Perhaps if Oprah had shared her cheeseburger Karen Carpenter, Karen would still be with us and Oprah would not have had to drag out the red wagon full of 60 lbs. of fat on her talk show.

BACK IN BLACK

Of course, in order to be worthy of these honors and given the fact she must seek a wider television audience than the measly white suburban women between the ages of 35-50 demographic, Oprah must now worry about her legacy and her partnership with Discovery who poured money into her network OWN since its 2008 inception. OWN lost as much as $330 million, based on Discovery’s annual 2012 10-K filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Oprah originally made the mistake of betting on washed- up bitter lesbian Rose O’Donnell to host a talk show for OWN, but has since wised up and hooked up with Tyler Perry – black television’s answer to Norman Lear. Perry, with two new shows on OWN, has singlehandedly changed the fate of her network in recent months-reports have Oprah back in the black for 2013 (pun intended). No doubt Perry is pushing Oprah to embrace a black audience – something Oprah has never done before except with her foray into the ebony side of Hollywood– portraying Sofia in The Color Purple and Mrs. Thomas in Native Son.

So, in order to get “back in black,” Oprah must embrace her victimhood. Forget the fact that she once bragged about employing more “white people” than most, she is now Oprah: the victim.

THE REAL VICTIM IS THE TRUTH

The victim strategy worked for her before – remember when Oprah fell out of favor with the Obamas after going out on a limb (she publically supported Obama over Hillary in 2008), but apparently Oprah made the mistake of calling the newly-elected President too much? First Lady Michelle Obama and President-in-Waiting, Valerie Jarrett, got a bit bent out of shape with the President’s infatuation with Oprah. Michelle reportedly said to her staff, “Oprah with her yo-yo dieting and huge girth is a terrible role model. Kids will look at Oprah, who’s rich and famous and huge, and figure it’s okay to be fat.” Oprah was later reported to have raged to friend Gayle about being ignored and uninvited to White House functions: “Michelle hates fat people and doesn't want me waddling around the White House!” Usher in the new victim meme “Oprah the hated FAT woman.”

Poor Oprah. It’s tough to be THE bulky billionaire in a world where women are mostly valued as arm candy to bulky billionaires. But Oprah cannot maintain victimhood for very long. It’s as if she can’t stop herself from exposing her personal power. After all, Oprah has had the presence of mind to turn the tables and squire about the smiling mute and mustachioed Stedman Graham for years – her ex-fiancée or whatever.

ONCE THE SMOKE CLEARS, RAE DAWN CHONG ON OPRAH

Rae Dawn Chong probably said it best during a recent interview: “If you were in a room with her, she would pick the most powerful person and she’ll become best friends with them. When we worked with her the one thing about Oprah, she was that fat chick that was the wannabe cheerleader in school, that was the student council president that was best friends with the principal…She was that fat chick in school that did everything and everybody loved her. That’s Oprah.”

Rae Dawn did not stop there, she went on about Oprah: “‘You have actually shifted the DNA of the Universe.’ In terms of thinking of power structure… If you looked at the way she looks, she looks like if it was 60 years ago she would’ve been a housekeeper, luckily. She would’ve not been a house n*gger, she would’ve been a field n*gger…so I give her props.”

CONSISTENT PURVEYORS OF RACISM: POLICE, STORE CLERKS & HURRICANE RESCUE WORKERS

Oprah has tried the shopping victimhood trick before. After all black people only have a few sacred situations in which RACISM ALWAYS OCCURS: 1) Run ins with the police - particularly traffic stops 2) Store clerks dispensing racism during shopping 3) How federal benefits are dispersed after natural disasters like hurricanes. Obviously Oprah does not have run-ins with “the popo” and probably does not drive herself anywhere – so she is unlikely to get involved with the police during a routine traffic stop. Oprah also has the means to avoid devastating effects of a natural disaster. All she has left is the PAINFULL RACISM SHE MUST ENDURE WHILE SHOPPING. It’s a win-win - Oprah gets to combine her fave hobby of shopping and crying racism.

A few years ago, Oprah whispered the story of her painful encounter with racism in Paris at the Hermes boutique. Hermes refused to open the store for her AFTER it was closed (despite that fact there were one or two other customers still inside finalizing their purchases). When Hermes was criticized for not opening the store for Oprah, they pointed out they don’t stay open for anyone (it is not cost effective) and no doubt they have seen their share of celebs before. So Oprah cried racism. As if she has ever been followed around Best Buy by the store security guard?

WHEN VICTIMS COLLIDE

Oprah at least had the presence of mind to realize that the store clerk at Trois Pommes boutique in Zurich trumped Oprah’s racism meme with the clerk’s trump card- the victimhood of class warfare: “I didn't hurt anyone. I don't know why someone as great as her must cannibalize me on TV,” said the poor little shop girl.

Leave it to Oprah to spin. Ms, Winfrey said of the encounter: “I could have had the big blow-up thing and thrown down the black card and all that stuff. But why do that?”

Last night Oprah explained the situation and said "I think that incident in Switzerland was just an incident in Switzerland. I'm really sorry that it got blown up. I purposefully did not mention the name of the store. I'm sorry that I said it was Switzerland."

Good one - use the geography defense – whatever that is.

“Capable, generous men do not create victims, they nurture victims.”

― Julian Assange